


the one where fiona finds out

by angryjane



Series: The Ones Where People Find Out [3]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: BAMF Fiona Pitch, Fiona Is A Caring Aunt, Gen, M/M, Meet the Family, Penny knows all, idk what else, meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 08:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18495406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: Fiona's turn!!!





	the one where fiona finds out

**Author's Note:**

> the lord yeeteth and the lord yoinketh away

**Fiona**

 

“This is an intervention.”

Baz looks up all slow and graceful, careful indifference painted on his face. He gets that from you, Nat. He’s so much like you that sometimes it hurts me to look at him.

“Oh?” He says, one eyebrow raised. He’s all trouble and cool confidence.

“Yeah.” I shoot back, collapsing into the seat across from him. He closes his laptop, turns fully toward me. He’s almost through his first year of uni. I’m so proud. I feel like a mother hen, which is simultaneously scary and enlightening. He’s so fucking _smart_ , Natasha. (He gets that from you too.) He tried explaining his studies to me once , but I was so lost I made him shut up.

“Who are you intervening on?” He asks casually now, picking at his nails.

“ _You,”_ I tell him, as if it should be obvious, because it should be.

“Why.” Not a question, a statement. This kid. This _fucking_ kid.

“You keep disappearing. Not like, at night when you’re hunting or when you’re at uni. Where do you go?”

He doesn’t look at me. Baz has never lied to me, unless it was important. I’m still not sure what happened at Christmas-- Basil won’t say a word about it, and his father’s silent on that front too. Says it’s not his thing to tell. Of _course_ he’s being polite and respectful _now._ Typical.

“Are you worried about me?” He sounds so arrogant and haughty I might punch him. Teenagers are stupid. Why is this so hard?  
“Yes. Where are you going all the time? Why won’t you tell me?”

“I’m safe, if that’s what you’re worried about. No fighting monsters or something this time.”

“ _Basil. Please._ ”

He looks at me then, and he seems… nervous. It’s then that the thought hits me.

“Basil. Have you met a bloke?”

He swallows. _Oh my god._

“You have! Oh my god, you have! What’s his name?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He’s scowling now. That usually means I’ve won.

“Yes it does! What’s his name? What’s he like? How’d you meet? _When’d_ you meet?”

“Fi, stop.”

“Is he fit? Is he tall? You’re pretty tall, I guess. Have you kissed him yet? Are you boyfriends? Is he a student? Does he go to your uni?” I’m rambling now, because this is so _exciting_. Baz is a little… emotionally stunted. This is _amazing_.

“Fiona, please.”

“Baz, tell me everything!”

He looks like a fish out of water. Oh, this is hilarious. He’s all red. He must have fed recently.

“No.” He grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest like the petulant child he is.

“ _Basil_. Tell me or I’ll… I’ll…” Shit, how do you discipline kids?

“You’ll what? Tell father? He practically knows.”

Now, _that_ is betrayal. “You told your father before you told me?! How could you!”

He shrugs, the bastard.

“Well, then it’s settled. The only way you could possibly make it up to me would be by taking me to meet your bloke.”

“What? No.” He’s shaking his head, and I’m grinning evilly, because it’s so much fun to make him squirm. Is this motherhood? Am I am mother?

“Yes!” I sing-song. “You gotta! Please, Baz?”

“No.”

“Baz.”

“No.” He’s looking stubbornly to the floor.

“Basil.”

“No.”

“Basilton.”

“No, Fiona.”

“ _Tyrannus.”_ He goes stiff. Ha. That always works.

“….. Fine.”

Hell yeah.

 

 

I’m dressed nicely, for once. Or, as nice as I get. I even wore the leather jacket with no vampire blood on it. You should be proud, Nat. Of me. And Basil, of course.

“Don’t be a bitch about this, Fiona.” Is all he tells me, standing outside a nondescript apartment door.

I scoff. “When have I ever—“

He gives me a look. I shut up.

He has keys to the flat, for some reason. It’s nice, very bright, with orange walls and a ratty sofa. Not what I was expecting, but alright. There’s a chubby girl curled up on an armchair in the corner, tea cradled to her chest and a book in her lap. She glances up as we enter, purple hair slipping into her eyes. She looks unsurprised by Baz’s or my presence.

“Basil.” She huffs, smiling a little. I’ve decided I like her.

“Bunce.” He replies. He seems comfortable with her, another good point in my book. Wait, Bunce?

“Bunce?” I ask aloud, “Like… Marvin and Mitali?”

“My parents.” She nods. “You must be Fiona. You look _exactly_ like you do in all their old pictures. Nice to finally meet you.” A pointed look at Baz. Huh.

“Nice to meet you too….?”

“Penny.”

“Nice to meet you, Penny.”

There’s a crash in the kitchen, followed by some swearing. _Normal_ swearing, might I add.

“Jesus fucking Christ, damnit,” Another crash. “Stupid fucking tail.”

Baz is smirking a little. Not his Evil Smirk, but his Happy Smirk. I’m about to comment on it when someone comes stumbling out of the kitchen, and the words die on my tongue.

Simon Snow, the Mage’s heir, is here.

He’s a little shorter than I thought he’d be. The pictures make him seem a bit taller. And he has _wings_. And a _tail._

“Baz!” the Chosen One says, and then he- he- what the fuck. He’s kissing Baz, my nephew, his sworn enemy, on the cheek, and Baz’s arm is coming up to wrap around Simon’s waist, all familiar-like, like this isn’t the weirdest fucking thing. I stare.

“Snow,” Baz is saying, “This is my Aunt Fiona.”

Simon’s looking at me, and _smiling_ like I hadn’t been plotting his death for eight years.

“It’s nice to finally meet you! Baz talks about you like all the time.” Snow cheers, and Basil hisses, cutting his eyes at Simon.

I only nod at the Chosen One, before looking to Baz. “Baz, can I speak to you a moment? Alone?” I gesture vaguely towards the hallway.

Penny snorts, turning back to her book.

I follow Baz out of the flat, the door slamming behind us, and immediately lean against the wall, sliding down until I’m on the floor.

“Basil, what the fuck?”

He looks nervous again. He doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"...How long?"

"How long have we been dating or how long have I been in love with him?'

_Love._  Merlin, he's so confident in saying it too. "Both," I decide.

"I've been in love with him since I met him, and we've been dating a year. Since... Christmas."

_Oh._ I know something... _happened_ then, with the Humdrum and all, but I didn't know any of _this._ And also, "Since you _met him_ , Basil?" I whistle. "I gotta hand it to you, Baz, you've got an iron will."

He's more relaxed now, and he slides down the wall beside me.

"So, is this... okay? I want you to get along with him. Because I don't want to have to choose between you two. If it came to that..." He looks away again, "... I'd choose Simon."

Okay, _ouch._ But the way basil is looking at me, Natasha, I can't say no to him.

"you really love him?" I say instead.

He nods.

"Alright then." I stand. "Take me to meet your bloke."

 

 

 

The most annoying part, Natasha, is that I like Snow too.

He's _funny,_ and _sweet,_ and _adorable._ He and Basil look at each other like the sun and moon, and they fit so _well_ it physically pains me to thin they'd been held back from this for years, that _I'd_ been the one doing the holding.

Basilton is so _happy_ around him. He laughs, like a real laugh, Nat, and smiles a lot. I don't know he could _do_ that. And the touching! Baz doesn't let most people touch him, yet here he is, initiating casual contact with Simon all day long.

And _Simon._ He's so sweet, so honest and gentle, I have absolutely no idea how I ever thought he was the villain. He's clumsy, and he laughs too loud and eats too much, but he's caring and strong in a quiet, gentle way. He's so _nice_ , even to me, when he has al right to hate me.

I can see why Basil loves him.

I can get behind this, Natasha. I'm doing my best, for Basil, and for you.

Love you.

**Author's Note:**

> okey!!! 
> 
> tell me how i did with fiona?? idk how to write.
> 
> comments would be lovely!!! 
> 
> mwah mwah mwah


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